Dream #20230521

I am breathing under water.

I have been drowned in my impostor syndrome recently. I have been caught by the fraud police. It’s a weird experience isn’t?

I remember some words of Amanda Palmer’s “Art of Asking” , some lyrics of Metric’s “Breathing underwater“. I remember this drawing I have made while i was talking with my psychologist almost 10 years ago.

Recently, I’m questioning the last 16 years of my life as a CG Artist.

When I was younger I thought self-confidence will grow over the years, as portfolio and experience will.
For me it’s definitely not the case.

So… what is happening?

Anyway – anyway – even if I’m trying to find other things to do, I can’t help it, there is an irresistible urge to create, to put colors and shapes out of my mind.

This is why I feel I am actually breathing under this negative flow of thoughts.

I guess I can swim and go back to the surface now.

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